Work work

So, I'm currently at work... updating my blog. Very productive.
But currently we're really slow, (I almost said really busy, but I'm tired cut me some slack) and I really don't have anything better to be doing. I've been checking the computer every minute to see if new scripts arrive, and then have been getting overly excited when there is one. (me getting excited? never!) I kinda want to do something tonight, not really sure what. I wish Katie were here, or Alex. My store keeps playing a mixture of really old, and really new christmas music. Like they'll play the really annoying version of I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas song, then they'll play Demi Lovato. It's weird. Hello sick people of Harford County, please come get your drugs filled! We need you. I need you! Where are you now?? (lolz) Okay, so that's it for now. I'm bored of typing. Bye.

I want someone to need me,

is that so bad?
I want to break all the madness, but it's all I have.
I want someone to love me for who I am.

Girls

About 99.5% of you are stuck up self centered bitches. You, the one who is currently reading this, are the exception. (granted the only people who read this are Laura, sometimes Katie, and occasionally Becca.) I'd like to say that I'm a good friend, I try to include people in whatever I'm doing, I try to make sure I stay informed about people's lives and try to help them if I'm able to. I don't know, maybe I should stop caring. Maybe the reason I never had a heart in the first place was because I'm stronger without it. And the fact that I now have one is making me weaker.

I've decided

that I don't know what I want.
I need someone who's willing to put up with my ever changing mind. With my intense mood swings, and my crazy antics. I guess, I do know what I want, but it doesn't exist.

I want a new tour. Now.

I don't want to be the filler,

if the void is soley yours.

If you look at everyone,

they've all got talents. And what do I have? I'm smart enough to function properly in life, but not overly intelligent that I'm some sort of genius. I'm not ugly, but not attractive enough to have a career in something that promotes my looks. I'm not good at any sports, I can't cook, I don't like children or taking care of them, and I don't doing yardwork. I can't sing or play any musical instruments. I used to dance, but now my technique is awful, and I hate myself for that. I can put words on paper, sure, but half the time the things I say don't even make sense. And really, who would read a book that I write?

Honestly, I'm going nowhere. I hate school, and you might say that everyone hates it, but I legitimately despise it. I can't pay attention to lectures, I can't read when I'm being forced to read, and I can't write papers about things I have no opinion towards.

And sometimes I wonder how I even have friends. I talk too much, I complain, I'm loud, annoying, and not really that good of a friend. I'm really not. I don't have a boyfriend because I'm way to picky, and I never end up liking the guys who like me. I don't like getting compliments all the time, because I get annoyed. I don't like guys who give me too much attention, becuase I feel smothered and then get annoyed, again. I'm never going to fall in love, because I'm too afraid to. I'm not going to get married, and I'm going to be alone forever.

And now this whole post has been one complaint after another, but sometimes I've gotta vent. And if you chose to read this, I'm terribly sorry, because it's all about me. Selfish me. So soon, I'm planning on giving up. I want to start over, and do something that I love. I want to travel the world, I want to have goals and actually achieve them, I want to live for something instead of wasting my life away.

I want to be in a world that's rid of hatred, and poverty, and fear. In other words, fantasy world. Where animals help you clean, while you sing a happy little working song. Where you can defeat your enemies with kindness, and wit, and still manage to get the person of your dreams. And that's all ridiculously chipper, but maybe it's better than a world where the only things that are certain are death and taxes. A world where people are more concerned about being on the go that they yell at anyone who slows them down. Where people are always rushing from place to place, that they never take the time to appreciate what they've got. On top of that, a world where people will spend a ridiculous amount of money on viagra, but bitch and moan about their other "high copays" all of which don't even compare in cost.

So maybe I'm a little bitter, maybe I exaggerate. But next time you go to the pharmacy, realize that the copay isn't determined by the pharmacist, or the techs. Or maybe you're mad at your cashier because your milk rang up wrong... It's not their fault that someone typed it into the computer wrong. It's also not their fault that you read the sign wrong, or you were hoping that you could get another brand on sale, but you can't. It's not their fault that you're ridiculously stupid and didn't bring your shoprite card, even though you've got a purse, with a wallet, that conveniently has a place in it where you can store it. And it's certainly not their fault you left your fucking canvas bags in your trunk.

So maybe I get a little angry... Sue me. That's all for now.

Concerts, life, other boring stuff...

So, as many of you know... I went to an Honor Society show last night. It was pretty bitchin. We were next to a stage mom, who knew all the words to every song, which was really creepy. There were a lot of teenies present, which was good for Lexie, Torrey and I because we could actually see over (most) of their heads. We met them, which was pretty cool. Kind of like a hand hug, picture, peace out type deal, but still pretty freaking awesome anyway. (I'm in love with Alexander Noyes, and I'm legal. Holllla) I wanted to give Alex my number, but I didn't remember to write it down prior to actually meeting him. And I didn't have enough time to jot it down once I did. Screw security guards and over-hyped fangirls behind us.
Oh yeah, while waiting outside the venue, these idiotic teenies behind us kept complaining about the wait, "we've been waiting for over an hour! I'm so bored." Shut the hell up and get over it. Waiting is part of life... if you didn't realize. Apparently they hadn't. Later on they were talking to the roadies, and singing happy birthday, and acting extremely childish, and I laughed at them. (you know it's bad when the roadies are laughing at how pathetic you are.)
Anyway, all this made me realize how much I've missed going on tour the past few months. I mean, sure it means I don't have that much money, but it's money I'm willing to pay to see something I love. So, why not? I'd rather be broke and happy than be wealthy and miserable. If that's something you don't agree with, get the fuck outta here. (I kid, i kid)

Also, it's the beginning of October, meaning I need to figure out what I want to be for halloween. I'm thinking Wednesday from the Adam's family, I've been thinking that for a while, I just am not exactly sure what I'd wear that would scream "Hey I'm wednesday, not just some gothic chick with braids in her hair" Maybe I'll carry around a wig and say it's cousin it, maybe they'll get it then.

My mother got her toenail ripped out, and she's been complaining about it hurting. It's pretty gnarly looking, and I can completely understand why... But today she went on a shopping spree. Either it somehow is better, or she's been taking too many pills.

And that's basically all I have to say... I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy on hulu with my mother so she can get caught up before the show tonight.

I feel like

I'm never going to know what I want. I'm always going to strive to maintain the unattainable, and I'm always going to look right past everything that's standing right in front of me. And you might say, hey... Now that you know that, why don't you change? Why don't you take a closer look, and try to fix that problem. Well I've been trying to for a while... When I try to fix it, something goes horribly wrong. And so I revert back to my old ways yet again...
It's the circle of life, and it screws us all.

I got my ticket

for the Honor Society show today. Hellz yeah.

Do you trust me enough

if we become two rebels?
Just like outlaws on the run. All we have is each other,
we could eat, sleep, breathe our love.

Fashionably Late, Honor Society's cd just came out yesterday. I suggest you get it. If you don't, you're gonna be missing out big time.
That's all for now.

Before I fall

too fast,
kiss me quick, but make it last.
So I can see how badly this will hurt me
when you say goodbye.
Keep it sweet, keep it slow.
Let the future pass, and don't let go.
But tonight I could fall too soon
under this beautiful moonlight.

But you're so hypnotizing,
you've got me laughing while I sing,
you've got me smiling in my sleep.
And I can see this unraveling,
your love is where I'm falling,
but please don't catch me.

You see this heart, won't settle down.
Like a child running scared from a clown.
I'm terrified of what you do,
my stomach screams just when I look at you.
Run far away, so I can breathe.
Even though you're far from suffocating me.
I can't set my hopes high too high,
cause every hello ends with a goodbye.

But you're so hypnotizing,
you've got me laughing while I sing,
you've got me smiling in my sleep.
And I can see this unraveling,
your love is where I'm falling,
but please don't catch me.

So now you see, why I'm scared.
I can't open up my heart without a care.
But here I go, it's what I feel.
And for the first time in my life I know it's real.

But you're so hypnotizing,
you've got me laughing while I sing,
you've got me smiling in my sleep.
And I can see this unraveling,
your love is where I'm falling
so please don't catch me.

If this is love, please don't break me.
I'm giving up so just catch me.


-Catch Me, Demi Lovato

I hate

feeling jealous. I hate being angry. I hate having all these emotions, because I rarely let them show. I keep them bottled up inside, and I'm bound to crack sometime. I just don't want it to happen. I want to keep a positive attitude, and try to make light of everything like people expect me to. I want to be the happy care free person that people see.
But I'm not. I know it sounds like I'm complaining, or I'm depressing, or whatever the fuck it sounds like to you. But I hate this all.
I wish you would see the error of your ways... I wish I were capable of telling you off.
I don't know how I'm going to end this, so I'll just say that I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I'm not built to withstand these kinds of situations.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Do you ever look back

on old times, and wonder what happened? Why things can't go back to the way they were? And when did things start going to hell?
I miss old days. I know it sounds bad, but I miss it. I wish I could go back and re-live all those memories, and stay trapped in those moments forever. I wish there was a way to keep them with me at all times, so I wouldn't be able to lose them. I wish I knew the answers to so many questions I have, but unfortunately I don't. And mostly, I wish I wasn't such an idiot.

Birthday mania!

Thursday was Torrey's birthday, yesterday was Joe's birthday, my birthday is this thursday, and Lackey-lack's birthday is next wednesday! So many August birthdays, it's insane.

It's currently 2:14 in the morning, and I just found out some rather shocking news, and nobody is in the right state of mind to listen to it... Which is thoroughly disappointing. And I'm not going to reveal the news in this blog, simply because it's not really my business. But, it's pretty funny.

I tagged today, which went pretty well, and we got out early! For once. So I went to Dani's and watched some movies, yay. I'm finding that just blogging about my life really isn't that fascinating. If I was to read a blog that went into the details of someone's day, and that was all, I'd probably be disappointed and find some other more exciting web site to go to. Which I'm sure most of you have done by now, and if you have then I'm just talking to myself. Which happens a lot more than you think it does... Or does it? The world may never know. Just like I will never know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, because I don't have the patience. I just say fuck it, and bite it.

I also have discovered that I'm a really picky person...

Now this isn't really a new discovery, but I've found that I basically compare every guy to Seth Cohen. Now, Seth Cohen is a fictional character created my Josh Schwartz, producer of the OC. He's played by the lovable actor Adam Brody. I know that the odds of me finding someone like Seth are pretty much slim to none, but that doesn't mean I can't look. I'm pretty sure Adam Brody isn't even like the character he plays, but hey, I can dream can't I?

I also have anxiety. I don't really like telling people, just because it sounds like a stupid ploy to get more attention, but it's really not. My mother has anxiety, and i guess it runs in the family... It's not fun. And I would never wish it on anybody in the world. Stemming from that, is my trust issues. If you ever wondered why I have them? Now you know. (cause it's Carly's super short show!)

I talk about myself too much, and I would like to say that if you read this, congrats. You probably now think I'm some ego-maniac who likes waffles. (I love waffles, for the record.)

If you recall

In my last post, I stated very clearly that I wouldn't get a tumblr. And the very next day... I did. It's pretty cool, I guess. Becca told me I had to still blog on here, so that's what I'm currently doing.
Katie got me season 2 of Pushing Daisies for my birthday! (don't worry, it hasn't passed yet, it's on the 20th and she'll be in airborne when that happens. so it was an early present.) I've only watched 4 episodes so far, but it's really good!
I'm on the 3rd Harry Potter, because I've been pretty busy lately and haven't been able to get much reading done. But I've developed a crush on Ron.
My legs are really uncomfortable right now, and it's annoying the crap out of me.
I have nothing else to say.
Go fight win!

Hello, good friend.

I've missed you quite terribly. And no Matt Peterson, I will not get a tumblr. Blogspot and I have had too good of a relationship for me to just abandon it now.

All that aside. I would like to say that Anthony Rapp needs to stop taking whatever medicines he's on, because they clearly altered his brain chemistry. His plastic surgery is awful. I know that you may not know who he is, or even care, but I don't feel like including a picture like I had originally planned.

Yesterday some guy at work asked me what was wrong with my fingernails. What the fuck is wrong with all these people and their curiosity about my fingernails? I painted them green, and the nail polish started chipping... But apparently that means that something is wrong with them. But I guess it's because I don't get my nails done at a salon, and they're not perfectly manicured to his liking. Well, screw you. And screw salons! I will paint my nails for free. And my nail polish will chip, and I'll like it.

I wanna go... oooooooooouuut tonight.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, where they proceeded to tell you the same thing, just rephrased, about a million times?

Let me give you an example: (A is me, B is my neighbor)

B- I saw your brother! He is so handsome. I can't believe he got married!

A- I know.

B- He is so cute, he's gotten so tall. My he's good looking.

A- Haha

B- Were you in the wedding?

A- Yep

B- I'm sure you looked beautiful. And your brother. I saw him! He was so handsome.

A- Thanks

B- So you were in the wedding, right?

A- Yes I was

I could go on, but that would take up too much room.

So, that's it.

p.

You know what I hate?

Douchebags.
There's this guy that works at my work, who is a complete douche. He walks around, and thinks he's hot shit just because he has shaggy hair, and was probably into sports in high school. But in reality he's just an arrogant jerk who isn't very attractive. He dropped a bunch of boxes on the floor today at work, and John and I laughed at his stupidity. Then I said he should be fired, in a Donald Trump-ish tone.
Then there's people who I automatically assume would be douchebags from first glance, who prove otherwise down the line. If I ever assumed you were a jerk, and you turned out to be one of the few that actually turned out to be different, I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make a difference, but I felt the need to say it.

My life.

Is so interesting, I thought I'd share it with the world. My butt still hurts, and not from too much butt sex (or black marks, as Jordan thought I said) but from falling on it. Today at work, Jordan and I were talking to the lobsters, which I think just about proves our weirdness. I don't really have much else to say, except I miss Hunke.

What do I want?

The real question.
I feel like lately I've been wrapped up in myself. Like I'm so concerned with my own problems, and thoughts, and ideas, that I haven't really stepped outside of my own brain, and missed a lot going on. I don't want to make it seem like I'm all about myself, because I'm not. If we're conversing, it's give and take. We both share, we both learn, it's a two way street. If I'm the only person talking, I feel like I'm overpowering you. I feel like I'm blabbing on and on about something you don't care about, and you're just standing there wondering when I'm going to stop talking. If you keep talking, and talking, and talking, and don't let me get a word in, I eventually grow tired, and stop listening. Even the most fascinating person in the world couldn't keep my attention for an extended period of time.
I just realized that July 4th is a lot closer than I thought. I'm really excited.
Yet at the same time, I'm not excited about the events that happen 3 days after... But lets not think about that! It's the present, the pleasant, the bing-bong-yay!

Because, everyone's allergic to poision ivy! (except Becca, because she ate it!)
I miss concert days.

There are some things that bother me.

1. People who talk on their phone when I'm trying to ring them up at work.
2. People who ONLY send mass texts.
3. People who respond to your texts with a random unrelated factoid about themselves.
4. Waiting in lines.
5. Explaining something more than once.
6. People who chew with their mouths open.
7. Children in general.
8. People who act like they know everything.
9. People who like to make you feel like you're lesser than they are.
10. People who don't know how to spell, and/or type.
11. Scarlett Johansson
12. The word "guesstimate"

Yeah, you're fucked alright.

Because you're out of options. Every attractive, funny, intelligent guy out there has a (usually) unattractive, fat, unintelligent companion (or shall we say, girlfriend.)
Yay!... not
But on a different note, I went into Klein's today to get some cereal, and the power was out.

In a risk of sounding dull and/or boring,

I will make this post light and fluffy. Like bunnies, or Becca's eggs. (as opposed to Katie's, which are burnt and crispy.)
I got the Jonas Brothers new cd. :]
I know, the majority of you don't like them. You can kiss my ass. :p
Is this light and fluffy?
Look! There are two bunnies hopping through the yard.
And a rainbow, and a unicorn! Yayy.

The majority of

people who cut hair are fucking retarded. Now I'm not saying that just because you cut hair, you have a low intelligence level. I'm saying that if you cut hair, actually listen to the person who's hair you are cutting.
But I know, hair grows back, so stop complaining, right?
Well if you had listened to me in the first place, I wouldn't be complaining, now would I?

It's unbearable.

It's intolerable. It's... a combination of sunburn and boredom that results in a blog post, because there's nothing else to do. And right, why does having sunburn cause me to blog? The answer is... still unclear to me. Maybe I'll think about it and get back to you.

But all that aside, I do have a subject I would like to cover in this post. And that is... girls. Now I know that I'm a girl, and bashing girls would just sound weird because essentially I would be bashing myself. But no. I'm not. I'm saying that anyone who literally has to ask, "am I a whore?" or "Is what I'm doing right now whore-ish?" then the answer is probably, most likely yes. And don't read this, and think "oh I know she's talking about me, because.... (fill in your reasoning here)" Because no, I'm not talking about you. (or am I?) No I'm not.

Also, I was working at the Pharmacy a couple weeks ago, and Ana and I had this discussion that was sparked by some of the guys that come into work, and their girlfriends. It seems that an overwhelming amount of attractive guys have overweight unattractive girlfriends. I came to the conclusion that they choose these girls because they have low self-esteem, and generally are willing to do more... or whatever. But Ana said that leaves no guys for the rest of us. Which is true. So hot guys, stop dating ugly girls! I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but it's something that needed to be said. By me. :)

On that note, I'm very bored, so I might go to Target.
I might be updating this more frequently, because I like to. (By more frequently I mean, whenever I'm home and bored. Which might not be that frequently, but we'll see.

Goodbye!

I make the most of all the stress.

I will admit that earlier, if I told you I was fine, it was a complete lie. I wasn't. But now I can legitimately say that I am. I was being selfish, and that's not a good trait to have. I wanted everything to go my way, and I have to realize that doesn't always happen. (and by doesn't always, I mean rarely ever) And I guess I'll eventually (possibly) find someone that can deal with me. (which probably won't happen for a while, but moving on)
I'm finding out that while I'm not exactly high maintenance, It takes a lot to keep up with me. Doesn't make sense? It's like this...

My personality is sometimes hard to figure out. There are little movements or actions I do that can give you an indication of my mood. But you wouldn't know that unless you really know me as a person. I can be really shy if I feel uncomfortable, or if I get a weird vibe from someone. I'm not one to quickly open up to people about my life, or my feelings, or blah blah blah. It's just not something I would do. I generally like to think that people tell the truth, until they prove to me otherwise, but it doesn't mean I trust them. There are very few people that I could say that I really trust.
And now that I gave you that brief bio. (Brief? maybe.) I would like to say that my feet are cold.
And, I'm really excited that it's summer!

I haven't

really had much to blog about in a while. I mean I have, but I haven't.
So anyway, Katie Hunke is now in Maryland (woohoo!)
And... my stomach is growling. I have to pick up Laura in thirty eight minutes. I have time.
So I've been doing lots of stuff that requires me to leave the house lately. And I haven't been reading my book [:(] (Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen) I've read about a chapter and a half, and it's really good.
I don't know what else to say. I like gummy worms and apples.
I like pretending that I found a worm in the apple, but really it was gummy!

I also like summertime!
And.... (I like you! :) Because you read my blog.)

Questions?

There are some questions people ask, where my response will always be yes.
For example:
-Do you like the movie Moulin Rouge?
-Is your name Carly?
-Do you live on earth?


There are some questions which will always result in no.
For example:
-Are you African American?
-Do you like Scarlett Johannsson?
-Are you an alien?


And there are some questions that are so puzzling, that you don't even know how to begin to answer them:

-Why do all celebrities think that just because they can act (or in some cases, can't) they automatically can sing, and therefore should make a cd?

Sometimes

You get comfortable. You think things will stay that way forever, and then you realize they won't.
That's why I don't get comfortable. I expect things to change. I prepare myself for a letdown before I can even experience the happiness beforehand. I know it's a cynical way to live, but it's the only way I can protect my grape sized heart. Even though it's small, it's not made of metal.

I don't

play games that I can't win.



This is the reason why you will never see me playing any sports. (I suck at all of them)



This is the reason why I never get involved in mind games. I either end up not caring, or over analyze the situation to breaking point, and then give up.

I'm tired.



I'll leave you with this ending quote that I personally enjoyed.



"Love is not about doggedly clinging to what belongs to you. It's about finding it in yourself to let go, even when letting go breaks your heart."

-a little bit Wicked

Sometimes,

I read my horoscope.
And sometimes it's really accurate and freaks the hell out of me.
This time however, it's telling me I have a boyfriend. Which... is not true.
Why horoscope?
Why do you make me feel depressed about my current relationship status?

On a happier note, I started my new (part time) job!
Selling drugs!
And before you get freaked out... It's completely legal. At a pharmacy. (yay?)

I have allergies. Good day.
I said good day!

I know the world is....

Black and white?

I haven't been myself lately. I need change.
I want to leave, yet I know something's keeping me here. What exactly it is? I'm not sure.
If you've noticed anything off with me, you're the winner! You know me better than I know myself.
If you haven't noticed.... it's not that big of a deal.
It's not a drastic change, and you probably wouldn't be able to tell.
If you're confused... 3,533,464,232,156.
That's how many minutes it will take you to figure out what I'm talking about.

Thanks

For putting up with my shit. (no, not you toilet. but you... should know who you are.)
I know. I'm a pain, and I do try to find everything and analyze it. But I mean, it's what I do best. It's a way for me to find something wrong. Because I feel like setting myself up for failure is better than hoping for success. That way if I lose, I'm not disappointed. But if I win, I'm that much more excited.

And for the record, I find it completely hard to believe that you do not get annoyed by it. I even annoy myself.

Well technically this is day 5. But we'll just say for the record that it's 4.
No coffee! I can do this.

Do you really enjoy updating your blog?

Yes, yes I do. As you can tell.
Do you honestly thing people actually read it?
No. No I do not, but I can post them anyway. I mean, I know that if I tell Brittany I updated, she usually reads it. So that's one person. Then I usually forget what I say, so I can go read over my own blog. So... one and a half.

But I'm getting to the point where I don't even know what to do. Well I know what I should do. Everyone knows. Except. yeah. Everyone currently reading this knows what I'm talking about. I don't feel like discussing it, so I'm going to make a major topic change in...
3...2...1...

Moving on. I didn't have any coffee today! And I don't feel like I'm going to die. In fact, I had tea. Only one cup too oddly enough. But yeah. So maybe the transition won't be as hard as I imagined. But then again this is still the beginning. I still have some caffeine in my system. So I'll update sometime later about my progress (or lack thereof)

Also I'm realizing that at times, I can be a complete mess. I don't even know how to describe it, I just am. And I don't even know how anyone puts up with me.

So on that note, I'm going to leave before I say something I will regret.
What will I regret? Who knows.
Pink bunny rabbits hopping through giant rainbow hula hoops in the middle of the forest.
Next to a cave where the hideous man-bear-pig lives. The creature that is...
half man, half bear, and half pig. You didn't think that was possible? It's completely possible.
In IMAGINATIONLAND!

This is

Day 1.
Yesterday I didn't have any coffee and I almost died.
Today I had tea. We'll see how this goes.

Visiting hours are 9 to 5.

And if I complete the lyric, will you know the song? Not the doctor. Alanis Morrissette.
It's okay, I didn't expect you to know that anyway.
Moving on... I'm attempting to cut back on caffeine. Yet again. And hopefully this time will be better than last. (the other day I drank so much caffeine that I got sick... odd) So now, I'm being convinced to try the tea route. I'll see how that works out... Tea has caffeine in it still, but not as much as coffee. So while I'm cutting back, I wouldn't be completely eliminating it.

I'm going to go watch Into the Wild now. I was supposed to return it to the library on saturday. Or was it friday?
Either way.... I will owe the library yet another fine.

I don't really have anything interesting to say, except I'm quitting Cold Stone.
Turned my note in yesterday.
And... That's it.

I hate

when the milk is past it's expiration date, but you don't realize it until after you've poured it into your cereal.

And my dreams... are beginning to freak me out.
Post Posty post post post.
Coocooooooooooo for cocoa puffs.
It'll drive you insane (in the membrane)
This post is stupid.

Without rapists,

who's gonna buy your whistles?


Although you might think my last blog was about a specific event that occured, it really wasn’t. I’m just saying certain people (mostly those who I haven’t seen n a while.... not you Katie, I promise) are slowly making me lose my faith in humanity. Humans are self-centered egotistical creatures, whos prime instinct is to do whatever possible to get what they want. That being said, I might start taking pilates again. I’m 99.5% sure you don’t know what that is.
On an entirely different note, John Mayer just came on the radio. I listen to him when I’m in a bad mood.
Moving on. That wasn’t what I was going to say at all. So. Re-do...
On an entirely different note, I’m an extremely paranoid person. (I blame the mother for that)
“Do I have to fall asleep with cliche flowers in my hands?”
If you were a rock, and I was the sea, what would you do if I washed over you like you weren’t even there? Would you try to get my attention? You’re a rock. Chances are you’re just going to lay there. Moving is too much effort.
Don’t even try to analyze that. I’m sure it will either leave you very confused, or with the wrong idea.
Turn the car around...
If we lived in a society where status didn’t matter, would that be better?
If money wasn’t the main goal on everyone’s mind, how might life be different?
If you say it wouldn’t be different, you’re wrong.
If you say it will never happen, I believe you.
If you say that money isn’t the main thing on everyone’s mind, it may be true. But it is for a hefty majority of people.
If I could live in a secluded area and not need any money at all, and manage to get by, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d learn to hunt and fish, probably build some type of shelter for myself. I’d need to be within walking distance of people, but I could live without permanent communication.
I think that’s one of the reasons I love Into the Wild so much.
If you walked up to a man, and asked for some change, he’d hand you coins. I’d hand them back, and ask for change in the world instead. He’d probably say that he can’t help me with that. But I’d say he could at least try...
I’m in a thinking mood, which always ends badly. So I’m going to walk my dog, to attempt to clear my head.

I typed that the other day and saved it on word while I was without internet.
So, I'm not sure why you needed to know that.
Farewell.

I've recently realized,

I have a lot of pent up anger.
Today I had a mental breakdown. Don't really want to describe that.

I also realize I've become too trusting.
And, I'm going to stop.
That's all that needed to be said. I could have elaborated, just didn't feel like it.

Recently,

at work, Meghan asked me this. "Would you rather dance in the rain, feel no pain, or go insane?"
Now I hesitated, considering the fact that I like to think over my options and pick the best response that would suit me. If I pick "feel no pain" that wouldn't be good. Pain is how you learn. If you don't know pain, how do you know pleasure? So I didn't choose that. I'd rather not go insane, because I don't think I'd do well in one of those padded rooms. And those straight jackets are simply dreadful. Plus white would completely wash me out.
So that leaves dance in the rain. The option I probably would have chosen even if I hadn't thought over all of this in my head, and just gone with my gut instinct. Because truly, who doesn't love dancing in the rain? (You? Well you're probably a garden tool anyway.)

That pushed aside, I'd like to talk about Power Rangers.
When I was younger I had two Power Ranger barbies. The pink one, and the yellow one. But I personally think the coolest one is the red one. Yes, the red one is a boy. And yes, I'm a girl. But if I were a Power Ranger, I'd like to be the red one. And I will explain why. The pink one is just lame because it's pink. Pink is a gross color, and wearing an entire suit made up of that color doesn't appeal to me. The yellow one is Asian. I am not Asian, so I couldn't really relate to that color. Red is awesome, and basically the coolest color in the universe. Go red.

Goodness I've run out of topics to talk about.
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R.

You don't know me.

You don't know me at all.

So yesterday, I had the pleasure of working with Dani and Alex at the same time. What a joyous occasion. The main story from this is concerning a lady that walked in... who had the worlds largest boobs. (well not really, because the lady with the 36 triple k's would be the winner of that category. but anyway) So I'm not going to go into too much detail, because I don't really want to talk about someone that I don't really know. But the main point in this story is as Andrew was ringing her up, we find out she's pregnant. I'm not exactly sure how we do, but it happens. So Dani turns to me and says, "Oh, that's why. She's pregnant." Apparently she hears this comment while she's walking out the door, and turns and says "Did you just say something about me?" And kind of looks like she wants to smack a bitch.

Now, at this point all Dani was saying was the fact that the lady was pregnant. Which was stating a fact. She could have just as easily been saying "There are people walking in the door." Plus, Dani whispered it, and Andrew who was standing right next to him, didn't even hear what she said. So even though earlier I said that the lady heard Dani's comment, I highly doubt she did. Further proving my idea that American's are so vain, they simply think everything spoken must be about them.

Also, while at work I realized that the new people must be afraid of me. Well, namely Petro. Because he doesn't know me enough to fully understand my personality. So he isn't aware that for me, writing fake notes from the President of the United States stating that Kyle Schwartz is an alien, is something that regularly happens.

I also just got a call from work saying that I need to go in from 4 to 9 instead of 6 to 10. Meaning I now have one hour to walk my dog, finish watching this movie, eat dinner, get dressed, and go to work. Also go to the library to take back the movie that I'm watching. Unless I just decide to finish watching it after work and take it back tomorrow. Late. Which I'll probably end up doing. Making my late fee $10.

Matt told me to blog about him. I'm not going to make a whole post, simply because I don't have enough to say. So I'll just say that Matt Peterson's name backwards is Wehttam Rehpotsirhc Nosretep. He enjoys long walks on the beach, and occasionally not wearing shoes while crossing the street. While it's raining. He's dating Brittany Mattheu. I don't know her middle name, let me ask him that now. Okay. Her name backwards is Ynattirb Elocin Uehttam. Haha that sounds like a disease. His screen name doesn't make any sense. And my foot is falling asleep so that's it for today.

I'd like to take a moment,

And thank all of you for truly being there. I know that I'm sometimes a mess, and at times it seems I don't care about anyone besides myself, but I really do.

I'd also like to say that my arm hurts, and I don't feel like making a full post.
Also lucky charms are amazing.

She was scared of it all,

watching from far away.
She was given a role, never knew just when to play.
And she tried to survive living a life on her own,
always afraid of the throne.
But you've given me strength to find hope.

Credited- D. Lovato.
Two Worlds Collide.

I'm not one to be

angry. That often. But this post might be.

So... That being said. I'm sick of it.
I'm not going to say that I'm this awesome friend who does everything right, because I do make mistakes. I'm human. But I feel as though I'm a far better friend than you will ever be.
Our friendship isn't really a friendship anymore. It's more along the lines of you contacting me when it's convenient for you. And I know you may disagree, but it's true.

You only text me when you're either:
1) Bored out of your mind, and your best friend is at work.
2) Want to tell me a story, but you've told all of your other friends.
and lastly
3)When you want me to drive you somewhere.

I could go on and on about this, but really I feel that's all that needs to be said.


Taco bell should design new stores that are shaped like bells.

Biology returns.

Tenth grade, biology. Predator vs. Prey. Did you do that?
Do you remember it? I do.
I was a deer. This is relevant to my post, I can promise you that.

So today I watched The Stranger (stupid movie, for the record. Sorry if you liked it) Essentially it was the same idea. But it got me to thinking...
Now try to keep up, because this might get confusing. So I was told that in this dating "game" (not to be confused with the game that you just lost) I'm supposed to be the ball. Make sense? It will.
Cats like balls (sexual innuendo? not at all) They like to play with them. It's my "job" to be the ball, catch their attention and try to maintain it. Got that in mind?

Back to the movie. I'm thinking that if I had the option to be the hunter or the hunted, I'd much rather be the hunted. (Why? Stop asking so many god damned questions!) The hunter is aware. The hunter finds the huntee's weakness and preys on that. The hunter has the ball, the weapons, the intuition, and the skill to outsmart the prey. They essentially have the power to control the outcome of the situation. And I say essentially, because I know this isn't always the case. But we'll just say that most of the time, it is.

Now apply this to the game... and where does that leave me? Not where I'm supposed to be. In the game of cat vs. ball I'd be the cat. The ball is an object, I don't want to be the object. The ball is the prey, clearly I do not want to be the prey. But in this situation, I'm too afraid to be the cat. You may not understand. I'd like to say that I have a "prey" in mind. But that sounds disgusting. Like I will feed on you and leave you while you can do nothing to stop it.

Re-do.

So I don't have the confidence or wit to be the cat. So I'm not the cat. I'm not the ball.
I'm the little girl sitting in the corner sulking about her dreadful life, yet too scared to do anything to fix it.
Sounds depressing.

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. It's fact.

UP

Lookit!

Warning:

Your brain may explode upon reading this.

I'm stuck. In the middle of many situations. And don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping friends out any chance I get. I like people coming to me with their issues, or just to discuss their viewpoints, so I get a fair read and try to see it as a unbiased (well as unbiased as I can be) third party.

But it's difficult. There are certain things I have to tell others simply because it's too much, and my brain might explode if I don't. I have a person, who shall remain nameless for the time being, who I tell this stuff to. And I'm not even sure if they are aware of how much I tell them. But I do. And I'm positive they will not tell others.

That being said. My life as it currently is, could definitely be an episode of The Hills. As much as I despise that show, and would never take part in a show even remotely similar to it, it's true. I can't explain this in detail, simply because that would be giving too much away. But there's a lot of drama. It worries me how I know all this stuff, and I'd like to tell people, but I simply can't. It's not my place to tell. And now I feel I'm becoming very repetitive, so lets look a little further into my mind.
"GHLHALFGEJKLHGVEJLSJLHHTEKLSJ."
Did you understand that?
I certainly didn't. And it's my brain. It's moving so fast that even I, the conductor, am unable to keep up with it. So now I'm no longer the conductor, but more like a passenger.
I would like to say a few things to some people now:

-I think you're selfish and an idiot. I hate saying that, but it's the truth. Please note that I like you as a person, but the things you are currently doing are making me think differently of you.

- It's not your fault.

-You think that you have the world on a silver platter, when really you're abandoning everyone. It makes no difference to me, but some people think otherwise. I wish you the best of luck.

You may say that this sounds bitchy, and maybe it is. But it's what I currently think, and isn't that the whole point of this blog anyway?
On that note, I'd like to say something.
I may talk about myself, my taste in music or movies or clothes, or whatever I feel like writing about. And that's fine. I may disagree with something you like, but I'm not going to post a whole blog devoted on how much I don't like something you like.

Like... music for instance. Not everyone in the world is going to like the same music, and that's a given. But there's no need to bash someone's taste, simply because it isn't what YOU like. You act like you're this godly person who has such incredible taste in music, and everyone should bow in your presence. Well, I refuse.

That last paragraph was a shout-out to Matt. As I refuse to comment.
That is all for now, stay tuned.

Listen.

I apologize in advance, for this will probably end in me just ranting on about stupid stuff that you don't care about. In that case, I don't mind if you don't actually read this and close out of it now.

Did you?

If you're still reading, congrats. You get to hear about my awesome mood.
"Is it really awesome Carly?"
No, in fact, it's not. I don't really want to go into detail, but it's basically gotten to the point where I just want to leave. I don't care where I go, just as long as it's not under the same roof as Dracula and Poision Ivy. And I don't have enough money to be able to go anywhere. So maybe I'll just become like the guy from Into the Wild. I'll abandon everything and just leave.

Where you might ask? Preferably someplace not too cold.

Now that solution just sounds like a cop out. Like I'm not mature enough to handle my own problems at home, or whatever other conclusions you want to come up with. And I guess it is. But I'm really not in the mood to deal with it.

So in a lighter mood, I really want to make a music video. (apply within.) I have to think of an idea, somewhere to shoot it, and a song to do. And music videos are probably the most overdone thing in the entire world, but I don't care. Most of todays music videos suck (see Jonas Brothers. As much as I love them, -and you hate them- their new music videos are terrible. They're just promotions for their tour, or their movie, or whatever other projects they're currently working on and want to shove down vulnerable teenies throats.)

And now, there's a pattern. My posts have been becoming increasingly longer. I've always said that I would never post really long blogs simply because I probably wouldn't even read it myself. But that's exactly what I've been doing recently. So, have a nice day blog world.

The New Classic

Revamped. Now you're on the floor.
And I haven't really had much to say in the past couple days. Possibly because Katie's been home and I've been spending lots of quality time with her. But in any case, I felt the need to keep my loyal blog readers updated with my life. (Not like there are that many of you out there)

Now, I've been pondering this idea for quite some time. I'd like to know some opinions on this matter. Dying my hair. Now I know you're thinking, that's it? Yes. It's not major news, it's just something I've been thinking about doing for a while, and have been too chicken to actually follow through on. (Yes, I am chicken about a lot of things. This has been brought to my attention many times.) But I'm thinking like a purplish-red color. (think Hayley Williams-esque. Not the bright orange red, the darker red) Now that I wasted a lot of time talking about my hair, lets talk about.....

MOVIES! I didn't watch the oscars, but apparently Sean Penn beat out Brad Pitt. (Score!) I'm not much of a Brad Pitt fan, if that last sentence didn't make that abundantly clear. I recently saw He's just not that into you, starring my lover Justin Long. And while it was very cute, some of it was really cheesy. And it ends with... (well if you haven't watched it you should skip this portion) her being the exception. (I guess you didn't have to skip that, becuase if you haven't watched it, that probably wouldn't even make sense to you.) Also, she got to have this whole romantic scene with Justin Long. (For the record, I was totally pretending that it was me, not her)

MUSIC! I've been going to the library a lot recently and borrowing cds. I've rediscovered my love for Jason Mraz, and "Did you get my message" is currently my new favorite song. Again. I've also been listening to the Wicked soundtrack repetitively for the past couple weeks. I enjoy listening to music over and over again, becuase it doesn't really get old. Unless it's like, too pop-ish or rap or country. Or screamo. Wow I don't like a lot of music.
See, my taste in music is odd, to say the least. I like a lot of acoustic, or piano pieces. I like old school, classical, classic rock, alternative, a little pop (although not much) and music from the 60's. And 70's. Disco was fun. But a lot of today's music is complete crap. (cue haters) Lady Gaga, dreadful. I'm sorry, but it really doesn't take much talent to write a song about how drunk you are, and how you can't remember the name of the club you're dancing in. I just call that stupidity. And now all these celebrities think they can sing (Scarlett Johansson) when they really make me want to shoot myself. (with a water gun. I'm not going to take a bullet for that whore.)

Love. I guess I had to say something about this, although people have different interpretations. There's the love in the way that you love your family members, or really close friends, or even pets. Then there's deeper love, love that I myself haven't ever experienced. Love that people make out to be such a grand emotion, but the love that I'm starting to doubt. See, I believe true love exists, I really do. But to think that it's this huge strong emotion, that can move mountains or whatever shit you want to say about it, is complete crap. I know you may disagree, but it's just my opinion. (my blog=my opinions. your blog=my opinions. that simple.) Also, you may think that the fact that I haven't ever been in love has something to do with my thoughts, but I'm not sure. After I experience it, I'll notify every single one of you. (not too difficult, seeing as there's about... 3 of you.)

And now, I feel that all of you have stopped reading this post. (and why wouldn't you, it's a novel) But if you took the time to read this entire thing, please notify me. I'd be really excited.

Pretend my mind is a swimming pool.

Got it? If you went for a swim, you'd probably drown.

Sleep Deprivation

Lately I've been overthinking. Not new, correct? Hear me out.
I've been doing most of my thinking late at night, when I'm supposed to be sleeping. But I can't sleep because all of these thoughts are running through my head causing this mess of emotions. I overanalyze, and try to think of all the possible things I could have done differently, and the outcomes they would have then caused.
Last night I got 5 hours of sleep, which is a pretty decent amount. I suppose. The night before I got 4 hours. All this with my lack of coffee (quit drinking it) isn't proving to be very good on my mental state.
I should be sleeping right now, but I just got home from a hockey game. I'm tired, yet at the same time I'm not. We'll see what time I end up falling asleep tonight.

Do you want to know a secret?

Too bad. I'm fucking pissed off, and I'm not even sure of the reason why. I called Matt after I got off work to tell him just how angry I am. I'm sure that phone call was pretty humorous. I talked about punching babies and driving my car into a house. Also I think I talked about some creeper van, and some people that were driving in the parking lot that I "fucking hated" but I didn't even know. I think it's just the general aspect of Valentines day. And I know, it's stupid to hate this holiday, and no, I don't HATE it. I just don't care for it. It really has no purpose, except I guess an incentive for people to spend lots of money on useless cards with stupid words on them. I just said stupid twice in that sentence.

Really? I don't even know. I really want to go running outside. I might after my mom goes to bed, but she might think I'm sneaking out of the house to go to Becca's (ridiculous. Yes, I'm going to walk all the way to Becca's in the middle of fucking nowhere at night. I might as well slap a sign on me while I'm at it that says "I'm vulnerable and stupid, please rape me.") I might delete this post later, just because it's the worst fucking blog I've ever read in my life.

I watched the majority of Saturday Night Live today. It was decent. And I suppose I'll mention the fact that I'm going to a hockey game on monday. An Islander game. Tomorrow I have no idea what I'm doing, probably sitting at home reading again. Or listening to the Wicked soundtrack. Or something equally lame because a) I have no friends and b) I will forever be a loner. I'm not too fond of cats though, so I guess I'll just be one of those old ladies who collects purses or something. I like those. I'll have names for them and treat them like they are my children (no dessert if you don't eat your vegetables.)

And by now I just sound like I'm a fucking lunatic. But if you've seen my picture on facebook I look like a sweaty pregnant lunatic (currently I'm freezing and not preggo.) And speaking of facebook, I'm not really sure of the whole "like" thing now. Is there an option for dislike? I dislike your picture and I'd like to make that known, because I am a fucking bitch and I have nothing better to do than ridicule you.

Please note that nothing I am saying on here shall be taken seriously, and I am just posting this in pure anger. Hence the reason why I may delete it later, when I am in the right state of mind, and I realize just how insane this sounds. If I am offending you in any way, that's your problem, and you really don't have to be reading this. I really should try to calm down, because being angry isn't solving anything. Whatever. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I'm done.

And I know, we get a little crazy.

And I know, I talk a little too much. Bringing me to this point on this lovely February 13, also known as the day before Valentines day. (and for us loners out there, single awareness day.) Because now I'm finding, that I'm really not that likable of a person. If I were a guy, I wouldn't want to be my Valentine. Simple as that.
On that high note, I was in the sxephil chatroom today, but just got utterly bored. And not because he was boring, for a reason I'm not even sure of.
Also, last night (or very early this morning, rather) I was walking around my kitchen, just staring at random objects. I'm pretty sure I stared out the glass in the front door for a solid ten minutes. Good thing nobody was awake, or it would have been pretty creepy.
This post is possibly all over the place, but that's just how my mind is working at the moment. I can't seem to focus on one complete topic. And generally my mind is always working like this, but I can contain it enough to make a simple post about a single topic, but this time it's just not working out. Could be from boredom. Could be from something that I'm not even sure of.
(Apparently I'm not sure of a lot in this post.)
After all that is said and done, I'd like to take a moment and show my appreciation towards my mother. (weird right?) Well, this is simply because she has gotten my father an iPod. (one of the new nanos, in black. the best color to get.) And I am oh so proud that she is passing the good apple company along in our family. This is such a fabulous day. (the day I finally get my mac will possibly be one of the greatest days of my existence. But fear not, I shall blog when that day comes along.) And now, This may be the longest, strangest post I have ever written (or typed) and for fear that all of you loyal blog readers have tuned out, I shall say farewell. Happy blogging!

Fatabulous

I finally bought a new journal from staples. I've been writing in that a lot recently (reason for lack of updates.) I still will have this blog, just because I find blogging to be oh so fascinating.

Becca announced my poop schedule on her blog.

Don't judge, just read.

I am finding that I worry far too much. I worry about friendships, and just life in general. I have this irrational fear that people who either a) drive behind me for a long period of time or b) follow behind me too closely, or both, are following me. And I know that the chances of them following me are slim, but I freak out anyway. If you've ever been in the car with me, you've probably experienced this too.
Now you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with anything? Good question. I'm not really sure of the answer. I'll think about it and get back to you.
I'm also considering buying an actual journal, simply because using this blog as a journal probably wouldn't be the best idea. I'm afraid I have run out of things to talk about.

The intent of this blog,

Was originally for me to just type whatever I think. And I guess I've been doing that, but I feel it just makes me seem like a complainer. I complain about my life, and my parents, and my issues. And I'm sorry. That being said, I have a cut on my finger and I'm not sure how it got there. But that's not what I was going to say. So redo. That being said, I'm probably still going to complain about my life, because that's just what I do. Deal with it. You chose to read this blog, and if you choose to not read it any longer, well... that is up to you. (I know where you live) And I really am curious as to how this cut appeared on my finger.

If it's all in the game of love...

How do you win?

On that note, I'm listening to John Mayer. Because he's my happy music... No matter how "bland" you think he is.
Apparently Ben is "my father" making me jewish... The only plus side to that scenario is I now have something in common with Jon Stewart. Now we can bond over that.
But if Benjamin was actually my father, I would probably have died in a horrible accident by now. And it's completely cool that I say that, because I know that Ben will never see this.
This post was completely pointless.

We couldn't leave without taking you where?

If you don't know where, don't ask.

At times,

I almost feel like I don't know myself.
And now, I'm sure that's very puzzling to you... but stay tuned.
So, now apparently the middle school era is where you're supposed to "find yourself" and all that good stuff, and I suppose at the age of 3, I found myself fascinated with dance. I love the music, the intensity, and the way you can basically dance out your feelings without having to speak a single word. And now, that's gone. I don't have anywhere to dance, simply because I dislike the instructors, or the girls are so catty that it's not really about the dancing anymore, but who you're "best friends" with. (and secretly talk shit about behind their backs.) And I'm certainly not into all of that. But maybe that's what's wrong. Dance consumed a major part of my life, and now that it's gone... I'm nobody. And sure, you may think that I'm being overdramatic, but really, I beg to differ.

Upload a video,

you've got nothing to lose... except all of your friends.
And the approval of your parents...

Another post?!? Yes ma'am. Or sir. Or undecided. I'm sitting at home on this wonderful snow day, blogging. And now I should be getting ready for my interview, because apparently "I need to put a lot of makeup on to disguise my ugly face, or I won't get a job." And I guess I really just embellished that last quote, but basically that's what my mother tells me every day. Also today she told me, and this is verbatim, "I hope you don't get in an accident today, because you look like shit." Yes not, I hope you don't get in an accident so you don't get hurt, no... I hope you don't get in an accident so the cops and whoever you hit don't see you looking terrible. Thanks, mother.

And now, I'm looking at Bo Burnham youtube videos, because they can always guarantee a laugh.
Farewell.

My dear.

I've been thinking a lot lately... Mostly about how I think too much. I tend to be one of those people who over-analyze situations. I'll explain. It's like my mind is a high speed train on this track, but the track really doesn't have a destination. It keeps twisting and turning, and it's not really sure where it wants to go. I guess in a sense, that's how my life is. And I've been going on these job interviews where they ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and naturally I want to say "I have no fucking idea." But really, who'd hire me if I said that? Maybe I should have said "yes, I'm thinking about selling my body for prostitution while having a side job as a drug dealer, occasionally using some of the drugs myself to escape the pain of my terrible life." That's exactly what they want to hear. Again... I really would rather travel then have to deal with my life. I don't know. I think I could go backpacking across the world, maybe join the invisible children team as a roadie.

On a lighter note, I finally used my Amazon gift card I got for Christmas. To buy books.
Yes, I'm such an exciting person...
And guess what Brittany? I updated this.

Love?

This post will not really be about love, but rather the day that is devoted to love... Valentines day. Now I personally have never really liked this specific holiday, simply because I feel it's an excuse for greeting card companies to provide fabricated emotions and make lots of money. I guess it's all fine and dandy, and sure, love is swell. But a day devoted to it? Just makes me even more aware of my lack of a valentine. So thank you, let me go cut my wrists while listening to Mozart. But that's not even the point. The point is the fact that stores get ready for this holiday so early... that everywhere I go it's promoting this holiday, making me feel bad about myself. And now I guess, yeah that's my own damn fault. But I'm sure there are many other unfortunate Valentine-less people out there who feel the same way. And if you don't, screw you.

Don't Forget.

Now, for some strange reason, I decided to post the link to this wonderful blog on my facebook. This was basically so anyone who stumbled across my facebook, and wanted to check out this little piece of the internet, may do so. But I'm thinking that I may take this link off, due to the fact that I'm not sure I want people to read my blog. And now you're thinking, well the blog is on the internet, so of course people will see it... Blah blah blah. And I actually now doubt that anyone will click on this link, and take the time to read my blog word for word. I mean if you have, more power to you! Tell me please, I will be ecstatic. (and no, that is not sarcasm) But if you have come across this page by accident, well... I'm not really sure what to tell you. I'm not even sure what this particular post is about, considering the fact that I'm just rambling on about nonsense. Adieu.

You may say I'm a dreamer...

But I'm not the only one. Here's the part where I post a picture that is in no way relevant to this post. Have a splendid evening!