I don't want to be the filler,

if the void is soley yours.

If you look at everyone,

they've all got talents. And what do I have? I'm smart enough to function properly in life, but not overly intelligent that I'm some sort of genius. I'm not ugly, but not attractive enough to have a career in something that promotes my looks. I'm not good at any sports, I can't cook, I don't like children or taking care of them, and I don't doing yardwork. I can't sing or play any musical instruments. I used to dance, but now my technique is awful, and I hate myself for that. I can put words on paper, sure, but half the time the things I say don't even make sense. And really, who would read a book that I write?

Honestly, I'm going nowhere. I hate school, and you might say that everyone hates it, but I legitimately despise it. I can't pay attention to lectures, I can't read when I'm being forced to read, and I can't write papers about things I have no opinion towards.

And sometimes I wonder how I even have friends. I talk too much, I complain, I'm loud, annoying, and not really that good of a friend. I'm really not. I don't have a boyfriend because I'm way to picky, and I never end up liking the guys who like me. I don't like getting compliments all the time, because I get annoyed. I don't like guys who give me too much attention, becuase I feel smothered and then get annoyed, again. I'm never going to fall in love, because I'm too afraid to. I'm not going to get married, and I'm going to be alone forever.

And now this whole post has been one complaint after another, but sometimes I've gotta vent. And if you chose to read this, I'm terribly sorry, because it's all about me. Selfish me. So soon, I'm planning on giving up. I want to start over, and do something that I love. I want to travel the world, I want to have goals and actually achieve them, I want to live for something instead of wasting my life away.

I want to be in a world that's rid of hatred, and poverty, and fear. In other words, fantasy world. Where animals help you clean, while you sing a happy little working song. Where you can defeat your enemies with kindness, and wit, and still manage to get the person of your dreams. And that's all ridiculously chipper, but maybe it's better than a world where the only things that are certain are death and taxes. A world where people are more concerned about being on the go that they yell at anyone who slows them down. Where people are always rushing from place to place, that they never take the time to appreciate what they've got. On top of that, a world where people will spend a ridiculous amount of money on viagra, but bitch and moan about their other "high copays" all of which don't even compare in cost.

So maybe I'm a little bitter, maybe I exaggerate. But next time you go to the pharmacy, realize that the copay isn't determined by the pharmacist, or the techs. Or maybe you're mad at your cashier because your milk rang up wrong... It's not their fault that someone typed it into the computer wrong. It's also not their fault that you read the sign wrong, or you were hoping that you could get another brand on sale, but you can't. It's not their fault that you're ridiculously stupid and didn't bring your shoprite card, even though you've got a purse, with a wallet, that conveniently has a place in it where you can store it. And it's certainly not their fault you left your fucking canvas bags in your trunk.

So maybe I get a little angry... Sue me. That's all for now.

Concerts, life, other boring stuff...

So, as many of you know... I went to an Honor Society show last night. It was pretty bitchin. We were next to a stage mom, who knew all the words to every song, which was really creepy. There were a lot of teenies present, which was good for Lexie, Torrey and I because we could actually see over (most) of their heads. We met them, which was pretty cool. Kind of like a hand hug, picture, peace out type deal, but still pretty freaking awesome anyway. (I'm in love with Alexander Noyes, and I'm legal. Holllla) I wanted to give Alex my number, but I didn't remember to write it down prior to actually meeting him. And I didn't have enough time to jot it down once I did. Screw security guards and over-hyped fangirls behind us.
Oh yeah, while waiting outside the venue, these idiotic teenies behind us kept complaining about the wait, "we've been waiting for over an hour! I'm so bored." Shut the hell up and get over it. Waiting is part of life... if you didn't realize. Apparently they hadn't. Later on they were talking to the roadies, and singing happy birthday, and acting extremely childish, and I laughed at them. (you know it's bad when the roadies are laughing at how pathetic you are.)
Anyway, all this made me realize how much I've missed going on tour the past few months. I mean, sure it means I don't have that much money, but it's money I'm willing to pay to see something I love. So, why not? I'd rather be broke and happy than be wealthy and miserable. If that's something you don't agree with, get the fuck outta here. (I kid, i kid)

Also, it's the beginning of October, meaning I need to figure out what I want to be for halloween. I'm thinking Wednesday from the Adam's family, I've been thinking that for a while, I just am not exactly sure what I'd wear that would scream "Hey I'm wednesday, not just some gothic chick with braids in her hair" Maybe I'll carry around a wig and say it's cousin it, maybe they'll get it then.

My mother got her toenail ripped out, and she's been complaining about it hurting. It's pretty gnarly looking, and I can completely understand why... But today she went on a shopping spree. Either it somehow is better, or she's been taking too many pills.

And that's basically all I have to say... I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy on hulu with my mother so she can get caught up before the show tonight.