Listen.

I apologize in advance, for this will probably end in me just ranting on about stupid stuff that you don't care about. In that case, I don't mind if you don't actually read this and close out of it now.

Did you?

If you're still reading, congrats. You get to hear about my awesome mood.
"Is it really awesome Carly?"
No, in fact, it's not. I don't really want to go into detail, but it's basically gotten to the point where I just want to leave. I don't care where I go, just as long as it's not under the same roof as Dracula and Poision Ivy. And I don't have enough money to be able to go anywhere. So maybe I'll just become like the guy from Into the Wild. I'll abandon everything and just leave.

Where you might ask? Preferably someplace not too cold.

Now that solution just sounds like a cop out. Like I'm not mature enough to handle my own problems at home, or whatever other conclusions you want to come up with. And I guess it is. But I'm really not in the mood to deal with it.

So in a lighter mood, I really want to make a music video. (apply within.) I have to think of an idea, somewhere to shoot it, and a song to do. And music videos are probably the most overdone thing in the entire world, but I don't care. Most of todays music videos suck (see Jonas Brothers. As much as I love them, -and you hate them- their new music videos are terrible. They're just promotions for their tour, or their movie, or whatever other projects they're currently working on and want to shove down vulnerable teenies throats.)

And now, there's a pattern. My posts have been becoming increasingly longer. I've always said that I would never post really long blogs simply because I probably wouldn't even read it myself. But that's exactly what I've been doing recently. So, have a nice day blog world.

The New Classic

Revamped. Now you're on the floor.
And I haven't really had much to say in the past couple days. Possibly because Katie's been home and I've been spending lots of quality time with her. But in any case, I felt the need to keep my loyal blog readers updated with my life. (Not like there are that many of you out there)

Now, I've been pondering this idea for quite some time. I'd like to know some opinions on this matter. Dying my hair. Now I know you're thinking, that's it? Yes. It's not major news, it's just something I've been thinking about doing for a while, and have been too chicken to actually follow through on. (Yes, I am chicken about a lot of things. This has been brought to my attention many times.) But I'm thinking like a purplish-red color. (think Hayley Williams-esque. Not the bright orange red, the darker red) Now that I wasted a lot of time talking about my hair, lets talk about.....

MOVIES! I didn't watch the oscars, but apparently Sean Penn beat out Brad Pitt. (Score!) I'm not much of a Brad Pitt fan, if that last sentence didn't make that abundantly clear. I recently saw He's just not that into you, starring my lover Justin Long. And while it was very cute, some of it was really cheesy. And it ends with... (well if you haven't watched it you should skip this portion) her being the exception. (I guess you didn't have to skip that, becuase if you haven't watched it, that probably wouldn't even make sense to you.) Also, she got to have this whole romantic scene with Justin Long. (For the record, I was totally pretending that it was me, not her)

MUSIC! I've been going to the library a lot recently and borrowing cds. I've rediscovered my love for Jason Mraz, and "Did you get my message" is currently my new favorite song. Again. I've also been listening to the Wicked soundtrack repetitively for the past couple weeks. I enjoy listening to music over and over again, becuase it doesn't really get old. Unless it's like, too pop-ish or rap or country. Or screamo. Wow I don't like a lot of music.
See, my taste in music is odd, to say the least. I like a lot of acoustic, or piano pieces. I like old school, classical, classic rock, alternative, a little pop (although not much) and music from the 60's. And 70's. Disco was fun. But a lot of today's music is complete crap. (cue haters) Lady Gaga, dreadful. I'm sorry, but it really doesn't take much talent to write a song about how drunk you are, and how you can't remember the name of the club you're dancing in. I just call that stupidity. And now all these celebrities think they can sing (Scarlett Johansson) when they really make me want to shoot myself. (with a water gun. I'm not going to take a bullet for that whore.)

Love. I guess I had to say something about this, although people have different interpretations. There's the love in the way that you love your family members, or really close friends, or even pets. Then there's deeper love, love that I myself haven't ever experienced. Love that people make out to be such a grand emotion, but the love that I'm starting to doubt. See, I believe true love exists, I really do. But to think that it's this huge strong emotion, that can move mountains or whatever shit you want to say about it, is complete crap. I know you may disagree, but it's just my opinion. (my blog=my opinions. your blog=my opinions. that simple.) Also, you may think that the fact that I haven't ever been in love has something to do with my thoughts, but I'm not sure. After I experience it, I'll notify every single one of you. (not too difficult, seeing as there's about... 3 of you.)

And now, I feel that all of you have stopped reading this post. (and why wouldn't you, it's a novel) But if you took the time to read this entire thing, please notify me. I'd be really excited.

Pretend my mind is a swimming pool.

Got it? If you went for a swim, you'd probably drown.

Sleep Deprivation

Lately I've been overthinking. Not new, correct? Hear me out.
I've been doing most of my thinking late at night, when I'm supposed to be sleeping. But I can't sleep because all of these thoughts are running through my head causing this mess of emotions. I overanalyze, and try to think of all the possible things I could have done differently, and the outcomes they would have then caused.
Last night I got 5 hours of sleep, which is a pretty decent amount. I suppose. The night before I got 4 hours. All this with my lack of coffee (quit drinking it) isn't proving to be very good on my mental state.
I should be sleeping right now, but I just got home from a hockey game. I'm tired, yet at the same time I'm not. We'll see what time I end up falling asleep tonight.

Do you want to know a secret?

Too bad. I'm fucking pissed off, and I'm not even sure of the reason why. I called Matt after I got off work to tell him just how angry I am. I'm sure that phone call was pretty humorous. I talked about punching babies and driving my car into a house. Also I think I talked about some creeper van, and some people that were driving in the parking lot that I "fucking hated" but I didn't even know. I think it's just the general aspect of Valentines day. And I know, it's stupid to hate this holiday, and no, I don't HATE it. I just don't care for it. It really has no purpose, except I guess an incentive for people to spend lots of money on useless cards with stupid words on them. I just said stupid twice in that sentence.

Really? I don't even know. I really want to go running outside. I might after my mom goes to bed, but she might think I'm sneaking out of the house to go to Becca's (ridiculous. Yes, I'm going to walk all the way to Becca's in the middle of fucking nowhere at night. I might as well slap a sign on me while I'm at it that says "I'm vulnerable and stupid, please rape me.") I might delete this post later, just because it's the worst fucking blog I've ever read in my life.

I watched the majority of Saturday Night Live today. It was decent. And I suppose I'll mention the fact that I'm going to a hockey game on monday. An Islander game. Tomorrow I have no idea what I'm doing, probably sitting at home reading again. Or listening to the Wicked soundtrack. Or something equally lame because a) I have no friends and b) I will forever be a loner. I'm not too fond of cats though, so I guess I'll just be one of those old ladies who collects purses or something. I like those. I'll have names for them and treat them like they are my children (no dessert if you don't eat your vegetables.)

And by now I just sound like I'm a fucking lunatic. But if you've seen my picture on facebook I look like a sweaty pregnant lunatic (currently I'm freezing and not preggo.) And speaking of facebook, I'm not really sure of the whole "like" thing now. Is there an option for dislike? I dislike your picture and I'd like to make that known, because I am a fucking bitch and I have nothing better to do than ridicule you.

Please note that nothing I am saying on here shall be taken seriously, and I am just posting this in pure anger. Hence the reason why I may delete it later, when I am in the right state of mind, and I realize just how insane this sounds. If I am offending you in any way, that's your problem, and you really don't have to be reading this. I really should try to calm down, because being angry isn't solving anything. Whatever. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I'm done.

And I know, we get a little crazy.

And I know, I talk a little too much. Bringing me to this point on this lovely February 13, also known as the day before Valentines day. (and for us loners out there, single awareness day.) Because now I'm finding, that I'm really not that likable of a person. If I were a guy, I wouldn't want to be my Valentine. Simple as that.
On that high note, I was in the sxephil chatroom today, but just got utterly bored. And not because he was boring, for a reason I'm not even sure of.
Also, last night (or very early this morning, rather) I was walking around my kitchen, just staring at random objects. I'm pretty sure I stared out the glass in the front door for a solid ten minutes. Good thing nobody was awake, or it would have been pretty creepy.
This post is possibly all over the place, but that's just how my mind is working at the moment. I can't seem to focus on one complete topic. And generally my mind is always working like this, but I can contain it enough to make a simple post about a single topic, but this time it's just not working out. Could be from boredom. Could be from something that I'm not even sure of.
(Apparently I'm not sure of a lot in this post.)
After all that is said and done, I'd like to take a moment and show my appreciation towards my mother. (weird right?) Well, this is simply because she has gotten my father an iPod. (one of the new nanos, in black. the best color to get.) And I am oh so proud that she is passing the good apple company along in our family. This is such a fabulous day. (the day I finally get my mac will possibly be one of the greatest days of my existence. But fear not, I shall blog when that day comes along.) And now, This may be the longest, strangest post I have ever written (or typed) and for fear that all of you loyal blog readers have tuned out, I shall say farewell. Happy blogging!

Fatabulous

I finally bought a new journal from staples. I've been writing in that a lot recently (reason for lack of updates.) I still will have this blog, just because I find blogging to be oh so fascinating.

Becca announced my poop schedule on her blog.

Don't judge, just read.

I am finding that I worry far too much. I worry about friendships, and just life in general. I have this irrational fear that people who either a) drive behind me for a long period of time or b) follow behind me too closely, or both, are following me. And I know that the chances of them following me are slim, but I freak out anyway. If you've ever been in the car with me, you've probably experienced this too.
Now you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with anything? Good question. I'm not really sure of the answer. I'll think about it and get back to you.
I'm also considering buying an actual journal, simply because using this blog as a journal probably wouldn't be the best idea. I'm afraid I have run out of things to talk about.

The intent of this blog,

Was originally for me to just type whatever I think. And I guess I've been doing that, but I feel it just makes me seem like a complainer. I complain about my life, and my parents, and my issues. And I'm sorry. That being said, I have a cut on my finger and I'm not sure how it got there. But that's not what I was going to say. So redo. That being said, I'm probably still going to complain about my life, because that's just what I do. Deal with it. You chose to read this blog, and if you choose to not read it any longer, well... that is up to you. (I know where you live) And I really am curious as to how this cut appeared on my finger.

If it's all in the game of love...

How do you win?

On that note, I'm listening to John Mayer. Because he's my happy music... No matter how "bland" you think he is.
Apparently Ben is "my father" making me jewish... The only plus side to that scenario is I now have something in common with Jon Stewart. Now we can bond over that.
But if Benjamin was actually my father, I would probably have died in a horrible accident by now. And it's completely cool that I say that, because I know that Ben will never see this.
This post was completely pointless.

We couldn't leave without taking you where?

If you don't know where, don't ask.